Tabula Rasa is the new Serotonin BreakDown May 5, 2008Posted by yenrules in Stressed, Thoughts, Wishes.
I’ve been busy these past few weeks, and i know that it’s been almost a month since i spilled my thoughts here. This was and will always be my own shrink. Can somebody please help my shrink?
Oh yeah, my mind is going completely blank right now. I’m turning into a person who is so predictable with life, the one who’s pushing to the limit yet she can’t have it because she’s booed by everyone else. The type of person who cannot seize the day because she is forced to work, to be at the top of everything, yet falls down to a single pull of a hand.
I am a person who believes in everything that i do, i think before i speak, when something slips, i go clean it, i have my own limitations, i have my own rules, i clean up every mess that i’ve done, even if its worth everything i own. Still i am dominated by this one force, who gives me both a good time and a hard time. The most bitching part is, i don’t know if it’s a payback for being so good at being obedient and not really bad.
I don’t think my life at this moment is such a blessing, i get 6 hours of sleep, i have my clinical duty in an area where we are “baked” until one of us would turn hypovolemic, i come back home, sit in front of a TV and watch things, i say “hi, hello, im here” that’s it, and then i go prepare for bed and trying to fall asleep thinking, “Payback’s a bitch. You can’t really control it. Just close your eyes, and get over it.”
I am just a person who is trapped in a pit, completely blank, but wants her body rescued down and be seen by surgeon who can really suture me up and get my life back on track.
I need serotonin. Chocolate endorphins don’t work. Texting doesn’t work. Even this internet doesn’t work. I am trapped in a place where no one can rescue me.
Serotonin = x; x+me = happyness.
Go figure x for me.